Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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