OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
