Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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