never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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