do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
