can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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