Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
