im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
