Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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