She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
