he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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