Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
