No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
