You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
