No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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