if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
