I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
