Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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