I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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