It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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