Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
