the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
