don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
