Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
