Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
