WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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