Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
