my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
