He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
