Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
two words: eviction party
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
