Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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