Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
