Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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