Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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