This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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