she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
