Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
