new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Be still, my beating vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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