I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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