Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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