yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
