I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
