i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize