life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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