Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
