I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
