She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
