Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
