I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
