it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
