the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
