We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Randomize