I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
