Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
