My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
