He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
