They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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