were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
